How to Actually #StandwithStoya

Hey, I have an idea: how about when some psychopath does a terrible thing we not post his face everywhere and talk about how shocked we are that the thing happened?  Because bad men love attention, that's a big part of why they do fucked up things, to get the attention.  So for the love of science stop giving them attention and posting their big dumb faces all over the place.

Instead lets talk about the survivors! Let's celebrate how amazingly difficult it is to speak up when you've been raped, abused or otherwise harmed.  Let's focus on coming together to help survivors keep on surviving.  No victim's story should be boiled down to the time that famous dude did that terrible thing to her. Let's talk about all the things she did before horrible dude entered her life, okay?

So yes, I wish for punishment for bad men but more importantly I wish for healing and greatness for the women who carry on despite what happened.  I understand that anger is a sexier emotion than forgiveness, empathy or compassion, so its more enjoyable to rant and rage in frustration and disbelief than it is to talk about the pain these women must be feeling. 

But, you know what, the other reason bad men are able to do what they do is they don't see women as individuals, but rather as objects to be used like need fulfillment machines with breasts.  When you only talk about the survivors as a group of faceless victims who are only interesting in that something terrible happened to them, you're making those women into objects as well.

No more of “victim number three comes forward with similar accusations.”  These women have names, use them!  These women have big sexy full lives, celebrate them!  If you really #StandwithStoya then support her work and stop only speaking about her in reference to her rapist.

Here’s my favorite project of Stoya’s. It's called Hysterical Literature.  Can you figure out why she's having such a difficult time reading?  This is just one of the many things she's created with her seemingly endless talent.

Every time I see a rapist’s face on my computer screen fly by because someone is posting about him on social media again. I’m going to post something great that the women who once trusted him has done. To support survivors instead of the abuser.  To drive attention towards her instead of him.

I encourage you to do the same.